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And Still - EP

by Skyler Pia

supported by
Will Seifert
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Will Seifert Amazing stuff, cozy and bittersweet, simply wonderful- if this doesn't gain traction soon I'll be very surprised.
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1.
it was as easy as stories told through gritted teeth it was as easy as living in full lucidity i was as far away as you felt when you left me i was as good as dead when i realized that i’d been lying to myself
2.
In Spit 04:27
a work of art encased in spit a pot of gold spray-painted shit or a silver execution into my head in search of song out of my mind, i cannot talk i am searching for asylum my tongue is screaming for release i need someplace to sink my teeth and my skin is growing callused and no, my stomach isn’t filled you’ve gone away, i’m aching still and i’ve become what i had feared so long familiar twinges in my gut love, i am guilty, but of what? can you explain without explaining anything i don’t know? decaying letters underground my name was once a worthwhile sound but i can only hear “i’m sorry, i don’t want to hurt you” i’m breathing in my only truth my view is blurred, my skin is loose and my room is almost spinning a drop of water on my lungs a gust of wind around my tongue all my words go half-remembered before we spoke in lowercase you touched my arms, i touched your face like an island touches nothing now porn is love enough for me this is not where i want to be i reach for you but only feel alone and i’ve been stuck in bed all day love, give me strength to pull away can we just talk without restating everything that went wrong? and i’ve been living underground my name was once a worthwhile sound but i can only hear “i’m sorry, i don’t want to hurt you”
3.
Stay 04:56
in between lines and cries for help that i struggle to phrase i find a stillness i can’t seem to place lodged in my throat watered down like the crutch that i take a dream from which i hope i never awake but i lapse back each time you cross my mind and dreams give way to fear each time i find i’m no good at love five desert lights form her hand reaching out to my train i turn away but the image remains still i reach out to feel the breath of a/c on my palm try to stay calm, i just try to stay calm i swear to god that she is speaking to me out of frame with eyelids shut it feels almost the same “you’re not alone” the sky goes dark and i claw at my eyes try to stay alive, i just try to stay alive sleeping serves no purpose to me i try staying warm but i’d rather freeze i’m no good at love i’m no good at love and i dream of being asleep in white noise and concrete and i’m trying to breathe and i choke on release and i’m losing my drive to keep myself alive and our night sky is shared and that scares me to death and i’m pulling my hair i’m alone and afraid and i know in just months that i won’t cross her mind there is cum in my sheets and disease in my head and i act like i’m well but my hell’s become hers
4.
on different stars the gravity may vary but the cold air is the same we drift apart but soon the chill will catch us will we shiver or will we huddle for our very lives or refract the cold back into light that will guide us where we cannot feel alone when i was young i wanted to stop living i hoped the air i breathed would freeze me shut but i’ve grown some and different stars invite me and they tell me against all odds that i am loved enough to show myself to hold the glow that seemed withheld that unfolding has its grace and its time and i still want the sky to carry me on upward to where they may be but i know that i am tethered to my home
5.
Tourmaline 05:29
i know you wish you weren’t, but you are still the life in every song but i cannot write more than this cause my command of words is gone and all i want’s to hold you, but i need to watch out for myself and no, i’m not in pain, i just can’t feel my heart or anything else and every night i see two lovers blurred beyond all recognition he lost himself to misery, and she to her own intuition a thousand strings lie severed in my room beside my packed suitcase a thousand miles divided you from her, although i never changed and i miss my best friend and i miss my best friend and the way you’d say my name as if it needed to be said that doesn’t make me want to hear yours any more and there’s this tremor in my heart that i can’t stand to feel each moment and i wonder if you feel that aching too and i still hear the songs you wrote, the ones i took to heart like parables and now i barely trust a single line i sing and god, i know this was unhealthy but for all you claim was broken how could you not see that my love hadn’t changed? and do you think of me as a child, as some fragile thing that cannot love because i couldn’t be the strength you needed? or do you think of me as a failure, as the bridge that could not carry you because i wasn’t built the way i should’ve? or do you think of me as an invalid, as someone on the precipice of some awful fate i’ve set up for myself? or do you think of me at all, or were you already gone four months ago while you were still the one thing i had left? do you think of me? but i could never hate you, even with the sorrow that you bring and all i want is to hold you, but i know my arms won’t heal a thing

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released June 4, 2016

all songs written, performed, recorded, and mixed by skyler pia

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Skyler Pia Portland, Oregon

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